Today I was cleaning up dialogue in the script for the first issue of the Hassie/Justin project (henceforth referred to as the New Gib project even though that only takes half of it into account). Not cleaning up like getting rid of bad language, but like making sure that the voices weren’t all completely interchangeable. It only needed moderately severe reworking in a few places.
Sometimes when I write I worry about my lack of knowledge/caringness about things like three act structures. I just try and write what I like.
Here’s a bit from the script that I like (in the actual version this’ll be spread over two or three panels, making the rhythm of it a bit more defined):
EXT. NIGHT - PEG CITY - PAGE 19 A 17-year-old girl, JEREMIAH CLARK, is digging a grave. A razor-wire topped wall is behind her, and a blanket-wrapped body lies on the ground next to her. > > JEREMIAH (caption) My cousin Daniel was a 75th trimester abortion. He was a year older than me and probably my best friend. I'd already got him his first birthday present. It wasn't supposed to be a decent grave. These things happen in the Peg. > >
It’s great working with someone on stuff. Hassie comes up with cool ideas for things he’d like to see happen and then I get to try and make them work. And then someday he’ll get into drawing them.
Otherwise today I just went to work. On my way I saw a little girl (maybe 7 years old) in the back of a van chewing on her toenails. And then in the shadow of the MTS Centre a woman was putting on white-framed sunglasses to hide her Uma Thurman eyes.hassie new gib