> le fucking sigh

le fucking sigh

2007-07-27 - jjackunrau

Got the email this evening saying I didn’t get the Canadian Mennonite job. In the last week or so I thought I’d become fairly resigned to this happening. I’d started making my comments about how if it took this long to make a goddamned decision maybe I didn’t even want the job. Turns out I still did. Want it.

So yeah. I remain poor. And unemployable in what I like to think is the field I’m good at. But I’ve still got more seniority at the library than the retarded guy!

It’s funny how much I was looking forward to non-staple groceries (staples include ice cream but not beer). Hell, the lack of existential/budgetarial crises every time I want to buy replacement pens would be nice. [UPDATE: I’m not actually that poor. I mean, all the money I earn goes into rent and food but I have reserves I don’t talk about a lot. My fake poverty is basically just an inconvenience. I don’t actually need the money. It’s just easier to write about the financial stuff than about the worthlessness stuff.]

Just more stabs in the gut to write I suppose. I read a story about Sinclair Lewis while I was putting away a book yesterday. He was at a banquet in his honour and got up to give his speech. He asked “How many of you here are serious about becoming writers?” There were a bunch of hands that went up. “Then why are you here instead of at home writing?” he asked and sat down. Having a job would just make it easier to not write my own stuff. More excuses and such.

I finished off that issue of 3dWorlder this afternoon before going to the library (and before getting the news). Next up is a short play for an Australian festival that… it seems I need to finish by Monday. Well, that’s my weekend then. Then back to 3dWorlder issue 2, get the synopsis honed, start shopping it around. And other things. Working doesn’t cost anything. Anything more than the internet costs built into my rent. And ink for the printer.

3dWorlder canadian mennonite disappointment journalism poverty