I’m rereading V right now and it’s making me angry. Not at the book, because it’s great like I remember it, maybe better now that I’ve got Pynchon-reading hanging a bit more where I can grab it in my skull than five years ago (and it’s the copy I bought in Dharamsala so I’m getting these waves of road nostalgia reading it). But V has completely ruined my morning writing.
I sit down at the notebook and say “All right let’s get our ten pages done” and then I look down after a couple of paragraphs and realize all I’m doing is moving people around. There’s nothing meaningful happening. I’m trying to write action scenes because that’s the kind of story it is but I hate action scenes. I’m stuck at a point where it’s not just a couple of characters bouncing ideas off each other, and even back in those points my dialogue has been pretty shit for weeks. Basically this whole “Write shitty horrible first drafts and don’t worry about it” thing is getting to me. I hate doing things really crappily (part of why Japan might be falling off my radar for next year). I want to finish it but I want it to be something I like. I don’t know.
What V is doing is making me want to get serious on the China book, the one that isn’t just bullshit SF with nothing interesting to say. The problem with that of course is that it won’t be quick. That thing is going to take a long time. And if I break off this thing to go work on that well then I’m still just bouncing off of different things in a completely unserious manner. I’d like to have something to show for myself. Something to say “I did this” about. Or maybe I should just buy a video game.