Tag Archives: mpc

08.05.06 [Tuesday]
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中国

33 memories

Myrrl and his friend David are here. It’s funny to see Myrrl with someone so clueless about China. You feel sort of bad for him talking about his views of Chinese culture. He’s got a PhD in Psychology and wanted to talk about diagnosis and stuff like you’d find in the DSMIV. But he also runs an Amish restaurant. So family-owned business is a good topic too. Holly really hopes he hits some sort of too-close-for-comfort issue about Zhi Mian.

Myrrl’s telling stories of back in the day when the Jin Ling Hotel was the only skyscraper in the city, and only foreigners were allowed in. People would gather outside and just stare up at it. There was a piano bar inside with air conditioning that CEEers would retreat to during the six week SLPs when it was 42 degrees dropping to 37 at night. It was a hellish summer and no good food anywhere. Ruthie had a miscarriage. They’d drape themselves in soaked towels to try sleeping.

And Myrrl talked about Sebastian and how much money he makes playing poker. Thousands. It’s hard to motivate him to go get a job. I wouldn’t want one either. Holly talked a bit about her dream for this organic farm/guesthouse and Myrrl was dismissive, as expected. He wants Zhao Xing to learn to cook and then start a Sichuan restaurant/teahouse/massage place in Harrisonburg. “Now there’s a man with a dream,” I said. I think when he dismisses things it’s sort of an implicit challenge to show him the goods. He’s heard too much talk to put a lot of faith in it till it’s done. That’s my impression at least. Holly gets so insecure with him, even though she doesn’t want to work for MPC anymore. She’d still like to work with them but to be her own person outside that “mission field” (which is a word they use so much he laughed).

The idea of existing outside all the guanxi is so attractive to her and to loads of young people she thinks. Myrrl was saying the simplicity of life is why so many Chinese people end up going to the States. They just don’t have to play all those games. Myrrl says he intentionally subverts a lot of that with the visiting scholars, so much so they’re surprised he knows how to toast and do all that Chinese stuff when they have their farewell banquet.

He has fun trying to figure out the relationships though. If you treat it like a game it’s interesting. Peter Yuan is supposedly a really smooth political operator, as Holly saw in Kunming’s PIC this year. That was surprising but not, as he is the president of the Sichuan CCC or something. And he has the support of MPC and that gives them their connections. And Fuller wants Xuefu to go back grovelling to the seminary before he can study in America. Oh politics!

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08.05.06 [Tuesday]
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religion, 中国

31 seminary

Holly went to the seminary to hear Mark ? speak and to bring him to the Zhi Mian office. He’s part of this visiting delegation from Fuller Theological School’s psychology program, and was excited to hear that Holly’s thinking about their program. As he said it, they want someone who has some language and would be in China. Holly would fit in well on both counts. We talked about what it means to be part of an organization working in China and how MPC is built on the guanxi of the teachers towing the line so the higher ups have the ability to do cool stuff. Of course, the teachers get no access to the privileges, just bear responsibility. Being here completely independently would give people like Holly more freedom to make relationships with whoever she wanted than fitting into the MPC “here’s who we deal with” structure.

Especially about Zhi Mian and the seminary. Last year around this time is when all the shit went down that got Dr. Wang all disliked over there, and things are only slowly returning to normal. But Holly has to keep a low profile as a Zhi Mian employee so as to keep the peace, which is frustrating. She lives three doors down from it and yesterday was the first time she’d gone on the grounds. “If we’re trying to make connections why do I have to be invisible?” is the question.

Yesterday her plan was to be an English teacher at the seminary and work at Zhi Mian part time. That way it would be even and open. Who knows if that would actually work. But the bouncing between school and business, work and study is a big issue for Holly these days.

We ate with Wang Jing and Zhang Guo Xian again at the porridge place last night. But we also had Guo Tie, the big fried jiaozi. So good. The porridge guy is round and sort of friendly. I got all confused with the ordering which made Holly realize I don’t understand nearly as much as she thinks I do.

At the seminary in the evening Al Dueck from Fuller was doing a pastoral counselling session with a bunch of pastors. The topic was grieving and how a pastor counsels people through the process. He sounded like such an NPR voice with the languid pace and innumerable pauses. “Lake Wobegone” Holly said. His translator seemed to be a seminary student who was quick but after an hour and a half his attention was flagging and he had more trouble. Especially on the “wife withholding sexual relations” and the technical genetic talk about Dueck’s daughter’s baby who she brought to term so it could live for three hours instead of aborting it. “This is a life,” she said. “It’s sacred.”

He also talked about a counselling survey done last year about what the biggest issues were. I was so happy that when he asked for stories the pastors gave him nothing. They could have been in Chinese even, what with the translator, but they behaved like my students always did. Not a peep. He was good at waiting for them though. They talked about loss and grief and made a loss line for Jesus. I realized that that was the Christ I liked, the one who God had forsaken, who no one understood.

There were a couple of pastors who as the session went on got involved in their cell phones, one beeping really loudly. And Holly got pulled out to take calls from Sun Wen and Xiao Meng about something Sun Wen hadn’t been listening to her about earlier. I’m so glad I don’t have to work for those people. Holly goes on about Xuefu’s genius but since I don’t see that part, they just seem like a couple of jerks. Not very fair of me I know but them’s the breaks. After the thing at the seminary we watched Little Miss Sunshine down at Zhi Mian with Xiao Meng and a couple of counsellors. I do like that movie.

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08.05.05 [Monday]
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religion, whining, 中国

28b mpc easter

And then there was church in the apartment, run by Michelle. She wanted us to respond to the message of the resurrection and there was a bit of dialogue which revealed how messed up Deb had been recently. And Holly revealed her tough train ride to everyone. And she cried a bit and I felt bad for being less than supportive. Selah.

Easter morning sitting around while the others are at church. With Catherine and Deb, which isn’t exactly who I’d normally end up hanging out with. Oh Deb, who needs to make everything about her and her jerk of a father. Last night in the van coming back from dinner there was a discussion about corporal punishment that turned into Deb talking about being switched when she was 15. Never about why things were happening, just “You broke the rules.” I realize things sucked for her but I have so little sympathy for a person who needs to go on and on and on about their problems. At dinner Catherine talked about how orderly her grandmother died and I mentioned how my grandparents were burned in their home, which made distributing their possessions easy. A clean break of a different sort.

I like Catherine a lot. She’s kind and considerate thoughtful etcetera. She’s had people say offensive things to her all the time. “I can tell by your dog that you won’t worry about having clean children someday.” Though really, the dog is filthy.

It’s funny how Dan and I are sort of ambassadors of the return from North America. When Deb was asked if she’d be back in China she said there was no way. Dan gave her two years. Maybe she’d consider it if she was married she said, but not as a single person. Dan still gave her two years. Karen Beiler’s coming back. I don’t know what it is about being single in China that bothered Deb so much. Maybe just the sense of being alone against a country. And it would be totally unhelpful for me to mention I can’t picture Deb getting married.

The axes she was talking about judging personalities by were Needy and Real. I don’t know her exact definitions but the implication was that she was both. I introduced the Cartesian plane to the mix (with the Fuck Grapefruit comic) and foolishly she asked “Where do you think I fit? No no no don’t answer that.” There was something else she mentioned being written on her forehead in 72 point bold font. Maybe NEEDY maybe not. There was tactful silence by the rest of us around these obviously agreeable statements.

But being back felt exactly the same as never leaving. I didn’t feel bad about that, though I sometimes felt I was a cautionary tale about how useless this time in China was for helping a career. How many times did I explain what my back home process was and how “the world” doesn’t give a shit about my time out here? Which isn’t to say I don’t value it. And why bother with the standards of success anyway? At dinner Julie was saying something about those standards being bunk and I said sometimes I can console myself with that, though often it sounds like a loser’s justification. Which it is. I don’t want to leave Winnipeg to be successful. I want to leave because it’s cold in the winter. That’s all. I want a floating life, drifting and free. Dan talked about nomadism and that’s a dangerous word for me. So romantic. So ignoring of the filth and the stink of the road. I’m carrying a hobo cup with me that clanks along on its carabiner. Hobo at least implies a bit of the dirt I’m feeling coats my fingers and Catherine’s smelly little dog.

When church was done we followed the mob to the Mall Mart where we ate Muslim food again on Easter weekend. The bus to Nanchong was broken and so that crew had to go to Mianyang where William was sure there were hourly buses to Nanchong. There weren’t. Dan texted back saying they’d only be getting out of town at 6:35 so did we want to meet out there for dinner? Back in Jiangyou we were lollygagging the afternoon away watching videos made by Willy G and playing “Guess the ’90s rock band!” All the goodbyes had been said back at the bus stop after Todd lured us over to see what songs were being performed in the middle school English song competition. Only one “My Heart Will Go On.” There were hugs and waves and all that which wouldn’t quite get repeated when we met again at Grandma’s in Mianyang by the iron cow (Tie Niu). There we just let them walk away with a wave. I’ll be heading west and might see Todd soonish. These are hardly last goodbyes.

The secret Holly shared with us in William’s room after Catherine left to pack and nap was that she doesn’t like Jiaozi. A partial second passed when I thought she meant the food, but really, it’s Catherine’s dirty little dog. He’s very poorly behaved and his sitting on/next to Holly through the Saturday worship gave her the sense that she stunk of dog. Back in Canada I usually don’t think of little dogs being dirty. Dogs like my mom’s. So there’s not so much concern with the dog sitting on your lap or being on the couch or whatever. Jiaozi though is a filthy ambassador of the Chinese gutter who probably shouldn’t be touched by people with poor immune systems. William didn’t want him on his bed either and I lay no blame for that. But. There’s obviously a lot of love between Catherine and her mutt, so it’s not all bad. He was brought along so Holly would get a chance to meet him for the very first and last time, since he won’t be going back to New Zealand. With Johnny we joked that the dog should be named Mafan (trouble).

William songed us all the way down to the bus station which was nice. He’s considerate that way. On one morning, Sunday I suppose, when we were walking to the 3rd floor apartment he expressed regret our MPC terms didn’t overlap and I agreed. We would have had fun like we did with Phil. I miss the kind of structure that life had. Looking forward to SLP and PIC and Easter and Thanksgiving and heading places to see your friends because you had the money and could handle getting the time. It’s sad how much harder it is to create things to look forward to. I suppose that’s what event movies and music festivals are for. Though this year I’m not really looking forward to Folk Fest that much. Here we actually got together to sit around and talk about stuff. Like Sean and I often do on a Thursday night I suppose. But the idea of talking about life/god/meaning isn’t what we get down to in our Tuesday gaming sessions. Not that I’d really want it to. That’s what happens far from home, I guess?

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08.05.05 [Monday]
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travel, 中国, library, food

28a jiangyou

When we got off the train it was a bit earlier than scheduled, so we had a few minutes in the dark outside the train station before Todd showed up. There wasn’t anyone trying to take us anywhere which was nice, peaceful. We could idly guess if Todd was at the Jiu Dian or the Bing Guan. It turned out he was at the Bing Guan which wasn’t as seedy as it appeared at first glance. Even silhouetted in mercury vapour you could tell when Todd was coming. His height helps. And his ambling kind of walk. And his jacket. He arrived and we headed back to his room for chatting purposes.

We ranged over a host of subjects including Neil Gaiman and his time in China with Todd, what’s been happening on my travels and stories of library paging, which Todd did all through high school. Deb later revealed that she’d been a page too, as had Michelle and Phil Bender. Very strange but indicative of what a transitory job this can be. Good to know I guess.

After an hour and a half (the electronic chimes following the pattern of the bells at St. John’s college only began marking the hours at 7am) we got in a couple of cabs to head down to the college. Oh, right we picked up James & Michelle & Deb too. James is so easy for me to get along with, or at least be clever with, which may only be a substitute. Once here we met Darryl and had breakfast and sat. We talked cameras and stories were shared about whatever. “When spring comes the pretty girls come out,” said someone who was quoting their students. “Just add water,” someone else added. “And evening is when the pregnant women come out,” said another person. “Just add…” said I. Chuckles abounded.

It felt very natural hanging around here with these people. Lots like I’d never left. Holly said it’s taken her a few years for her to realize this is her family. Maybe she’s right. Maybe we needed this time this longer term. But that’s just a couple of friendships. I don’t know where I’m going with this. All this talk in the next room (Julie’s asking Catherine if the guys feel any connection between their personal lives and their Christian lives. Now she’s asking “Why have we allowed society to value what success is?) makes me worry I’m not done with the past that may not be done with me.

I met William this morning and though Holly tells me our theology is vastly different and I shouldn’t ask what he’s reading if I don’t want to get angry, I like him. He’s got this grinning laugh and joking manner I get along well with. He’s sort of a funnier Jared, or at least trying to be. And he’s got that Sean loudness to him to talk back to the starers and Nihaoers which I like. It makes me laugh which is all I really want. I feel like (theology aside) we could have been great friends if our CEE/MPC times had overlapped. Way more than me and Dan. This afternoon he was talking about his classes and what is good and what his troubles are and my brain just shuts off. Maybe it’s that he’s boring. I don’t quite know. We should be better friends. We have similar interests. But I suppose interests aren’t everything.

William led the bike tour of Jiangyou after much searching for bicycles. The place with the tandem and tridem bikes had already rented out their tallest ones. At another place “less than a mile” up the road we dug through the tarps and back rooms for suitable cycles. They weren’t as good as they could have been but they were worth the 1RMB ($0.17) I paid for the afternoon. We rode through muck and up roads through canola fields (small ones, dare I use the word agrarian?), William guiding us on the route he’d planned out the week before. I love Chinese bicycles in their gearlessness and knee-hurtingness. We can go slowly and not worry.

We curved by the coal power plant with its huge cooling towers (I was singing that song from the Simpsons power plant strike “And we’ll march day and night/by the old cooling tower/They have the plan/but we have the power” over and over while we stopped in our flocks and took pictures.) We arrived at a soysauce plant and Phil tried to get samples and Holly got used to Sichuanhua.

It feels really a lot like spring when you ride a bicycle through fields. I love that and can’t wait for spring to happen in Winnipeg. This is my extra spring. And it’s out here in the country, the healthy (though smoggy) country. There’s a dedicated steam train for the coal power plant that goes in or out at least once an hour. The first time it steamed through the flock of waiguoren to the crossing made me feel like part of a flock of waiguoren.

And we passed a bridge/pipeline crossing the river and went to William’s soccer field and got back to the school. All pictured up and ready to eat at the Christian Lady’s restaurant. Which was great. We eat so much for so little money and at the end the Jia Chang Doufu arrives, mercifully unsweet.

In the afternoon I found where I was sleeping and hung around with Dan. When we headed out to see downtown Jiangyou we occupied the back of the bus and William played tourguide and yields through stop signs and the Mall Mart. We wandered through the church behind the Mall Mart and the markets and saw the Car Bar where they may stage boxing or ultimate fighting. There’s a park along the canal where we saw a Tibetan guy in a cowboy hat hawking medicines to people with hands open empty plastic bags. I wasn’t allowed to take pictures of them and later Holly talked to someone and only found out they were from Tibet. Then we headed through winding markets with shoes and locks and stuff down to the statue of Li Bai who never refused wine. Because of his Taoist inclinations.

Dinner at a Muslim restaurant after losing everybody. We certainly are a group that doesn’t wait around for everyone to be ready. Dan was in the bathroom and emerged to find an empty apartment when the downtown excursion had begun. At Li Bai after examining the benches with no seats, only bolts Dan and I looked up and saw a receding cloud of foreigners. We caught up and left Darryl behind and then when we hit the canal we lost the Benders as well. We met up with William who’d gone to find Deb. And eventually we were in contact with everyone and ate another huge heap of food. My guts are so full of Sichuanny goodness.

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08.04.17 [Thursday]
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religion, 中国

16 zhi mian

[If you read the blog compulsively as soon as each post goes up you may notice this post has changed slightly from its originally posted version. Holly asked for a few of the more salacious gossipy things to be taken out and I did because, really, it's not like this is important or anything. -JJU]

I’m quite a ways into this and I haven’t really discussed Wang Xuefu and Sun Wen, his wife. They run Zhi Mian Psychological Counselling Institute [where Holly works]. Zhi Mian has a counselling hotline and helps train counsellors in different parts of the province and further afield. It’s a Christian (sort of) organization being supported by MPC. Xuefu and Myrrl have been good friend going back years.

Now Nanjing has a seminary and Amity (a Christian missionary group that deals a lot with teaching English) is based here too. Zhi Mian isn’t associated with any of the churches or groups though; it’s a private business for counselling which happens to be Christian. This is partly to stay out from under the Religious Affairs Bureau’s thumb, partly because there’s some bad blood in the Christian community over who should have been the successor to someone at Amity and Xuefu backed a losing horse loudly, making a bunch of enemies.

There are criticisms of Zhi Mian; that it’s sort of a Mom & Pop organization undeserving of real respect is one of the main ones. Xuefu only recently separated the business bank accounts from their personal finances. And they don’t see any real problem with that. They’re the ones who’ve invested everything into this enterprise so why not?

Evidently they do some very good work, but the problem is that no one wants to pay for counselling. Holly’s job is to write up grant proposals to get them money, and it’s hard when they don’t focus on anything beyond what they think it might take to grab the next grant. Though Holly says when they’re out “in the field” training churches on how to do pastoral counselling she’s very into the whole Zhi Mian thing. This is what they should be doing. This is where his genius comes out. And Holly does speak of him as a genius. He’s done things without any help. He’s got grand vision, or at least the ability to say “this is what we will do” without paying attention to the practicalities. It’s all such a gamble.

Myrrl’s been talking to Xuefu about the idea of leaving a legacy. Myrrl’s getting older and thinking more about it I guess, and MPC is his organization (which is kind of saddening to see it so small these days). All the kids who would maybe have come through here in the past are hitting up Connexus and the Korean Anabaptist Centre instead. A place where they’ve got a community instead of being scattered around like chaff.

Back to Wang Xuefu. He’s in his 40s, not very tall and stares into the middle distance. Often he looks to me like a ten-year-old calculating what he can get away with saying, sort of shyly appraising you. I haven’t heard him speak about his work, though when Holly introduced me it was as a writer. He said he had once written fiction but now worked on other things. He told me about a patient he’d counselled who was obsessive about things and had now turned to god and was improving. His counselling sessions often go long and people can’t pay, says Holly, which makes the “getting foreign money” all the more important.

And he has the humility act down fo getting sympathy, though he’s also hugely self-absorbed and has a hard time listening to people, including (especially?) his wife. He tells people they’re wrong and then suggests what they just said, that kind of thing. Sun Wen is very small and has a scarred face. Maybe a long ago burn? Holly can’t imagine the two of them apart. Not for love, but for completeness. She is the practical part, the one who runs the household and the office and knows how things work. She ran a meeting the other day and Holly was pleased Xuefu only interrupted and contradicted everything she said once or twice. But the two of them do blame others for their mistakes, the “shallow” or “loose” video made by an underpaid intern a year ago when they thought big things were afoot. He was told to make a video and wasn’t given an outline so it didn’t talk about all the things they now wanted out of it. So now they go on about his “lack of professionalism” to the rest of the employees, which isn’t cool. For counsellors they have little idea of how to treat people.

My favourite part about going into that office is how Xuefu doesn’t know how to treat me. I’m not important like Rod or Bert Lobe; I’m just Holly’s friend who’s here for a while. And I’m not falling over myself to talk about him so it’s a bit awkward. I live in that awkwardness so whatever, but he tends to ignore me. He and Sun Wen were grilling Xiao Meng about whether I was Holly’s boyfriend and she took great delight in saying “But don’t you remember? Her boyfriend is in Sichuan! We all saw the pictures!” They’d grilled Holly about a former roommate (who was the daughter of a friend of theirs) and whether she was sleeping at home during a dispute with her mother about the boy she wanted to marry. Holly changed the subject. If I were her I wouldn’t want to stay here either. It’s an office that sounds very draining to work in.

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