Tag Archives: time

the present enveloping us

I love how differently time passes when you aren’t counting down to some event. And since I’m trying a new subtlety tack that’s all I’m going to say about that.

We’ve been hanging out with the people in our house more since Holly arrived. Last night we looked at Carola’s pictures of Patagonia for a long time, which was fine, it’s all very beautiful, but it got more interesting when she was showing us pictures of Valpariso and there was a mural featuring an oldish man in a suit she referred to as “my leader.” Then we got her to tell us the story of this leader and how he killed himself when the military staged its coup, and she was very serious about this history.

Now, I don’t know a lot about history in South America, but that sounded like the 1973ish coup. Allende and Pinochet such. The other 9/11. So I had to ask, “But this all happened before you were born right?” Of course it did. But it was interesting to hear her talk about this leader she never had as hers.

There was a lot more to the story, including cousins who’re rebels and uncles in the military. “We don’t talk very much about it because everyone has different opinions,” she said. It was fascinating. And something I wouldn’t have heard, had I been sitting in my room on the internet.

We’ve also been kind of awesomely domestic. The expense of things encourages it. I made a potato, chick pea and apple curry the other day. Holly’s made soup and white sauce for pasta, and a bunch of other stuff. We’re eating salad and drinking tea. We’re having pancakes on Saturday and then going bike shopping.

It’s pretty sweet being here/now.

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fuck you 2009, i piss on your rotting corpse

The past few months have had really long days because of my frequent talking to people in places where it’s already tomorrow. I wake up and talk to Holly where she’s already had the day I just woke up to, then if we talk when I get home she’s home for lunch the next day. Keeps me falling forward in time. It’s 2010 in China.

I fucking hated the fuck out of 2009. This was the year my condo ate my life. The decision to buy was in 2008, but the badness was all this year. All the arguments and irresponsibility and hassle. The lack of sleep because of worry. The resignation to the fact that I made a really bad decision and have basically wiped out all the money left to me by all my dead relatives. Awesome. If you want to buy it, I’ll take offers way below the current asking price. Please. Let me out of here.

The best parts of 2009 predictably happened when I was far from the condo. I visited Caroline & Co (even though it was too early for Paisley to actually remember), went to Los Angeles, and of course enjoyed the hell out of my time in China (which it seems I never did write about extensively here).

I didn’t work anywhere and nothing of any interest happened at the places I didn’t work (oh right, I work in a cheese factory – forgot there for a minute) so “work life” falls neither in the good nor heart-shittingly bad parts of the year. The cheese factory did fund my escapes from the (utterly privileged) hell of thinking about the condo though.

My plans for 2010 are to feel way less responsible for this fucking condo bullshit. Also: Write something. Go to school. Watch some baseball. See friends get married.

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making something out of something

On Friday I buckled down and worked. Not on any of my work that needs doing (I get scared of my book from time to time because I suck) but on Grandma’s birthday video. It’s funny how lost I can actually get in making something. How fast time can go. This doesn’t happen to me all the time. Even when I’m dicking about on the internet I feel aware of each and every second I’m frittering away.

In the end Final Cut and I got Grandma’s movie sorted out and put on a VHS tape for her. Oh VHS, you are such an ugly horrible medium.

I don’t know exactly why my regular Saturday shift begins at 9:15 with a break at 9:45. I suppose there’s a reason for it somewhere but it’s odd. Note I didn’t say “I’m sure” because I do work for the city. Right now we’re only allowed to have three people on-desk at a time, meaning one person at least is banished into the lightless cells at any given time. This is so we don’t appear to be inefficient in our department and have our hours cut back in these “tough economic times.” Supposedly if there is to be a cutting back of hours everyone’s positions are re-posted and it is a horrible seniority-based free for all to grab something resembling your job. I hope that doesn’t happen.

Although if it did happen it might provide me a kick start. Mom and I were talking the other day about my September trip to China along with Holly’s bakery she’s opening (isn’t that awesome? A bakery!) , and Mom said something like “I keep on expecting you to run off to China again.” And I told her that if I could go without teaching I would. But until I completely lose my memory of how much I disliked teaching I probably won’t go. It’s a choice I’m going to be working with for forever probably: choosing between a job I hate with a life I enjoy vs this grey okayness of work and life. Hm. when I put it that way it seems like hardly a choice at all.

But in the greyness there are the occasional nice evenings like last night with Aileen and Alison that make me forget about the rest of the time. And next week I’m going to Calgary. That promises to be a good time.

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when the calendars stopped

In the truck on my way to work from afternoon Necromunda (huzzah for Dave being on Spring break) I was talking about how I’d had my current bed “for ten years. Yeah, since grade 9.” Whereupon it was pointed out that ten years ago I was actually in grade 12.

The problem is I still feel it’s 2004.

When I see books at work labelled with a 2006 or 2007 there’s a part of my brain that realizes it’s not 2004 but I can feel it having to rationalize it every time with thoughts like “Wow that was fast” as if those years had just begun and I could be excused for finding them new and exciting.

I don’t know how to solve this. Maybe I need to leave the country again for a calendar year or two. At least that might imprint 2008 on my brain so I’m stuck a little closer to the present.

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