> curse you, chats!

curse you, chats!

2008-01-04 - jjackunrau

I’m not going to Egypt. That “chat” I had this morning was MCC HR scuttling those hopes. Strangely enough, it wasn’t for religious reasons (at least that they told me). Actually it kind of was. You know how humility is one of those “virtues”? It’s one I try to have a good handle on. Often in the form of self-deprecating comments. I’ve got buckets of confidence but that confidence is expressed in jokes at my own expense, not through being an arrogant prick. I’ve learned that much since high school.

So I tend to tell the truth about my abilities. One would think that in a religious organization like MCC truth would be seen as a good thing. But in my chat with HR I learned that they didn’t want realistic assessments of my abilities as a teacher, they wanted someone with “confidence in their abilities.” Well, shit, I could have lied about being the best goddamned teacher on the block. I can do that. But when I heard MCC Egypt was excited to get someone with two years of teaching experience, I said “Well, hold on, I’m not saying I’m a superb teacher. I still have a lot to learn.” And it stopped me from getting this position. That and how I told them teaching wasn’t my life-long dream, but it was something I had experience in.

As I wrote in an email this morning, a wise woman once told me to “Fuck the Mennonites.” I tried, but the MCC siren call got me back to where they didn’t want me again. It’s kind of ridiculous that I could teach with MCC when I had no experience, but now that I do have experience I’m not good enough for them.

The good thing is that I was prepared for this morning’s call by her use of “chat” on the message yesterday. And it means I can maybe go with Sean to the Redwoods, and to visit Scott and Em in kind reciprocation of their coming to visit me. And I won’t miss Reyn and Anne’s sham wedding, or Alison’s real one. And Alison said she’ll give me a break on rent for the month I’m gone to China, so that’s nice.

I still have no idea what I’m going to do with my life, but I know I can’t just keep on going with the same old thing here. I need something to look forward to because I’m not nearly Zen enough to live entirely within the moment.

cairo emily hr humility mcc mennonite reyn scott sean teaching zen